Hidden Needs
by brokenlovesong
Summary: Written as a prompt for blameitontheanon on tumblr! One day when Blaine is giving Kurt a blowjob his tongue slips and Kurt panics. It turns him on to have Blaine's tongue on his hole which makes him freak out, because it is dirty, filthy and he is positive Blaine will find him repulsive, so he does his best to hide his kink. He fails. Warnings: bj, hj, rimming, bottom!Kurt, fluff.


Kurt was a little embarrassed. Okay, that was an understatement; Kurt was _really _embarrassed. It had been a week and he still couldn't stop thinking about it.

Kurt and Blaine had an amazing relationship. They were _the _love-couple. They loved cuddling, romance and they could easily stare into each other's eyes for hours without it being awkward. They were the couple that could tell each other how amazing the other were or how much they loved each other to a point where their friends rolled their eyes or made barfing sounds. Santana even pushed their heads together at one point.

Yet, it wasn't just that - they could also be mature guys on the edge of adulthood having long, deep conversations about politics, art, fashion and things like that. Kurt liked to think of that as their sophisticated moments. It was incredible to not only have a sweet and handsome boyfriend, but that he was also intelligent and eloquent only made it so much better.

Kurt felt blessed.

There was more though. There was also sex.

Kurt had been scared of sex. Scared of how it would make him feel. In one time he had been afraid of embarrassing himself one way or another, but mostly he had been scared of how dirty it would make him feel. He had always seen sex as something filthy and messy, and whenever he had woken up with a hard-on when he was 14 or been in the shower washing himself off and accidentally touched himself in a way that unexpectedly sent a wave of pleasure through him he had been so embarrassed and felt so dirty that he nearly cried. Sex was a no-go-word in Kurt's world.

Not anymore though. Blaine had been so sweet and gentle about him. He had been nervous himself as he had been a virgin too, but he had put all focus into making Kurt feel safe and comfortable. At first, when he was lying under Blaine's sheets with his shirt still on but Blaine on top of him between his legs with his fingers teasing and building, he had felt exposed and nearly humiliated. He had been afraid that he was going to have a panic attack and he was sure he would never get clean again.

Nevertheless he so desperately wanted Blaine to feel good. He knew that Blaine wanted it and he trusted him. However, it hadn't been how dirty he felt that had been the worst part to Kurt - the real shocker had been how good he felt. How good he felt to have Blaine's fingers inside him moving, thrusting, pressing at that one place. How good he had felt when Blaine had brushed his erection briefly, or how good it had felt to feel Blaine's erection against the back of his thigh.

He was terrified of how much he enjoyed it. He was painfully trying to stop himself from liking it. He kept thinking: "_No. This is wrong. I am sweaty and messy and my hair looks like a bird's nest - it's everything I can't stand_!" but when Blaine leaned down to exit his fingers from Kurt's body so he could press down on him, their members pulsing against each other while Blaine kissed him passionately he let go of it all, and when Blaine entered him he nearly came at once from the pleasure overload that seemed to be catching up with him from all the time he had denied it.

Now their sex was great, incredible in fact. He was still shy about it, but he was a bit better at daring to look, and feel, and do. He still wasn't too comfortable about the lights being on, or not being covered by sheets, but all of that didn't matter because Blaine made him feel like nothing else was important.

So they had moved on from hand jobs and rubbing against each other - one time Kurt had actually been on top and he wanted to do it again. When he was ready. For now Blaine stayed on top. One thing they also found great pleasure in was blowjobs.

First Kurt had been freaked out. He loved Blaine's penis and the things it did to him, but he was afraid that he was gonna hurt him or be choked, he was afraid that he was simply going to do it the wrong way and the thought of it on his tongue, against the roof of his mouth, and he would be able to taste his pre-come - that was simply too much.

However, Blaine had been the perfect gentleman and offered to go first. He assured Kurt that if he didn't like it he would stop, and he would be careful and take it slow. So Kurt let him… and ever the feeling made him come in a whole new way.

After that happening three times he couldn't hold himself back anymore. The pleasure it brought to him was too good and he couldn't deny Blaine that, so he did it - and he surprisingly enjoyed it himself.

It was hard to get used to the taste of Blaine on his tongue, but the more Blaine was moaning over his head the more did he like it, though he asked Blaine to stop him before he came, and he did.

Now blowjobs ranked high as one of Kurt's favorite things to do in bed. He loved the feeling of Blaine's lips around him or his tongue teasing him, even the way he would sometimes let a finger enter him while having him in his mouth was too much for words - and Blaine knew it, so he did it a lot.

A week ago wasn't any exception. They had been home alone in Blaine's room and they had spent a long time kissing and rubbing against each other when their clothes came off. They were both fully erect and Kurt loved taking in the view of his boyfriend's perfectly sculpted body. It was like out of a fairy tale in Kurt's opinion.

Blaine's hands had been softly moving around his body when he pressed his lips to his mouth before going down to take him in completely. Kurt had squirmed and writhed on the bed from the feeling, hands in Blaine's hair as he weakly moaned his name, biting his lower lip to keep his embarrassingly loud sounds in.

That's when it had happened. The thing Kurt had tried to kick out of his head, but failed gravely. Blaine was kissing his way down Kurt's hard length, lightly nipping at the sensitive skin. He reached the root before going further down to mouth at the tender skin of his sac. It all felt so good and Kurt pressed his lips together to a thin line.

Then it happened. Blaine's tongue slid a little longer down than just his balls. It put a wet trail down his scrotum and Blaine's tip lightly brushed his hole, sending a spark down his spine so extremely that he had to bite down on his knuckles nearly too late. He had come only a minute later, unable to warn Blaine as it almost hit him in the face.

It had been an accident. Heat-of-the-moment mistake. They hadn't discussed it, but Kurt was sure that it had. There was no way anyone would ever have done that on purpose, and he felt sick and perverted for having liked it. Not that he liked it, of course not, but the feeling it had given him had been… indescribable.

Yet it didn't leave his mind throughout the entire week. Every time he caught a glimpse of Blaine's tongue, every time Blaine licked a crumb off his lip, every time they kissed and he could feel Blaine's soft tongue against his own all Kurt could think about was how that tongue had made him feel.

Over the next weekend they were back in bed and everything was hot as hell. Kurt was hard against Blaine's hip and he really needed some friction when Blaine started massaging his nipple and mumbling at him.

"Let me suck you, Kurt - god, it's gonna be so good," he groaned into Kurt's mouth when Kurt stiffened under him. For a brief moment the only thing that entered Kurt's brain was "_maybe he'll slip again_" and he wanted to kick himself - he couldn't hope for it.

"No. Blaine… not today," Kurt apologized breathy, twisting himself to let Blaine's thumb massage harder over his taut nub.

"Kurt, please… I've been thinking about it all day. All week. I just wanna taste you - have you in my mouth," he begged and let his hand down to fold around Kurt instead.

"_Blaine_…" Kurt moaned, his head going deeper in the pillow from the feeling of Blaine's hand swiping up and down around him.

His head was starting to cloud up and he tried to muffle his sounds by pressing his lips against Blaine's so they were nothing but hummed noises in the echo of their mouths.

"Are you sure? I just… I just really love having you on my tongue. I even thought about it in class yesterday. Those jeans… I couldn't stop imagining how you looked under them, how I could stench them just by mouthing at your crotch," Blaine continued.

He wouldn't pressure him into doing anything he didn't want to, Kurt was well aware of that. Blaine respected him and loved him too much to make him do something he didn't want, so if Kurt was to tell him firmly that he didn't want it Blaine would stop and continue massaging his hand softly around him.

Still Kurt didn't want to tell him firmly. He liked how Blaine wanted it so much, how Blaine wanted _him _so much. It made him feel amazing and he got even more turned on than he already was. There was also the thing that subconsciously Kurt wanted it because a dark, dirty, horrible place inside of him was wishing that Blaine's tongue would slip again so he could have the feeling back.

"Blaine, you can't just… you can't just say stuff like that," Kurt stammered, shocked at the confession of how his boyfriend had such thoughts about him - and in school!

"Yeah. I can… I promised to always be honest with you, so I am," Blaine grinned and bit Kurt's lower lip, his fingers down to massaging at Kurt's balls with light, circling movements.

"You're so… god, Blaine I want you so much," was all Kurt could thrust out of his clogged up mind.

Blaine kissed him one last time before moving down his body to press light kisses on the tender skin of his thighs. Kurt's hand immediately rushed into his curls, fighting their way through the stiff layer of gel as Blaine started to lick up his length.

Within what felt like seconds Blaine had taken him in completely. Kurt squeezed his eyes shut hard, struggling to breathe through his nose, but the sound was so loud in the room where only the noises of Blaine's mouth around him was heard.

Blaine was moaning around him and Kurt couldn't deny that the sound went directly to his veins. He felt exposed and on display, but he couldn't help letting his legs spread wider, making him go deeper in Blaine's mouth.

"Mhm, Kurt you're so good," Blaine panted as his lips slipped off Kurt's head and he started swirling his tongue around his shaft, slipping perfectly in the mix of saliva and pre-come spread over him.

Then it happened. Blaine's tongue was moving eagerly around him, feeling like he was trying to slick him up all over his genitals when the tip of his tongue was down Kurt's crack and Kurt could feel his muscles tighten from the sudden touch. It only lasted briefly before Blaine was back up to suck on his head.

"Blaine. _Now_!" Kurt whined as everything in his body shot for his crotch and into Blaine's mouth.

From Kurt's words Blaine hurried to take as much of him in as he could. He sucked and swiped around him helping him through his orgasm, swallowing the salty liquid exploding in his mouth.

Kurt felt cross-eyed. He was drained, as if Blaine had sucked out all energy from him. He had never done that. Neither of them had. Swallowed. Even let it in their mouths. Kurt felt terrible, guilty, disgusting - how could that have made him come so hard?

_No. No it wasn't that. It was just because Blaine is so good at what he's doing and he's my lovely, sexy boyfriend_, he kept telling himself, yet the dark place inside of him argued against it.

Blaine kissed his limping shaft, making it twitch from oversensitivity, before he pressed gentle kisses to his thighs, hips and one last on his bellybutton before crawling up to lie next to Kurt on the pillow.

He couldn't look at him. He simply couldn't. What if Blaine in some magical way could see what had happened to him? The way it had… affected him. He couldn't let Blaine know. He was too ashamed.

So he turned his head to stare at the door with the sound of Blaine's panting into his ear. He could feel Blaine fisting around himself, working towards his own release as he pressed kisses to Kurt's neck, shoulder, anything he could get close to when the motion in his hand suddenly stopped. He didn't let go, but he didn't move either.

"Are you okay?" He asked heaving, lust and need for coming still burning through his voice and words.

Kurt turned to look at him. All of his want was painted all over his face, but worry was flaming in his eyes, so Kurt stretched out to kiss him.

"I'm fine. Don't stop. Come for me," Kurt encouraged him as good as he could muster, forcing his voice to hide his disgust for himself.

"Are you sure? If you're not okay tell me. It's okay," he kept going, his hand slowly returning to tightening around himself, his lower lip trembling with the need for release.

"I'm just tired. Don't stop. I want you to come," Kurt assured him and shifted to his side so he could kiss Blaine again, this time struggling to be a bit more warm.

Blaine nodded slightly before Kurt felt his hand immediately return to his prior speed. Kurt kissed him with closed eyes, afraid to meet his gaze, as Blaine's muscles started to flex and he did the familiar bend of his torso, his abdomens flexing with the release.

"God, Kurt. Shit!" He growled with teeth clasping against Kurt's and spurts of hot come hit his hip, Blaine fisting himself through it before he fell still, gasping for air.

Kurt moved back to his place on the pillow, his eyes still closed as he listened to Blaine falling back to earth.

"You are so - amazing," Blaine grinned and moved closer to put his arms around Kurt. His hand was a bit sticky but Kurt could feel that he had wiped it off, probably on his own thigh so he wouldn't soil Kurt more than he already was.

Usually Kurt would have been touched, happy, that Blaine would think of that for him, but right now he didn't really care because he already was filthier than ever so it shouldn't matter.

Blaine placed gentle kisses on his cheek as he let his head rest heavily on Kurt's shoulder. Kurt could feel him looking up on him and he waned to turn so he could kiss him back, but he couldn't face him. He was sure his obscene behavior was filling up his face, on display for Blaine to see how perverted he was.

Blaine's breathing slowly returned to normal and he squeezed around Kurt, nuzzling his nose into the crook of his neck with a delighted hum from the back of his throat. He instinctively knew that Blaine was smiling. He always was after, a beautiful peace and fatigue filling his hazel eyes.

"That was so good. You're really magical - you have to be," Blaine chuckled, as sincere as ever and Kurt could feel a knot tie in his stomach.

"I… I'm gonna go take a shower. Just - take a nap or something," Kurt excused himself and jumped out of the bed, draping himself in a blanket they had pushed to the floor.

Blaine rushed up to sit in the bed, the covers dropping down to reveal that gorgeous torso of his, but Kurt ignored it.

"Kurt, what's…"

But he had already closed the door. He hurried under the water, soaking himself in soap everywhere, but it didn't do any good. No matter how much he smeared his shower gel around his skin, rubbing it hard he still felt just as dirty as he had done in his room.

When he was finished he rushed his underwear and clothes on before he sat down on the toilet. He buried his face in his hands desperately trying to avoid a sob breaking free.

_If he ever finds out he's gonna think I'm a freak_, was all that screamed in the back of his mind. Terrors of how Blaine would stare at him in disbelief, disgust filling his face, before he would tell him that he would never see him again.

When there was a knock on the door Kurt was so startled that he nearly fell down the toilet. He looked scared to the door as if he was afraid Blaine could see him through it.

"Kurt? Are you okay? Will you please come out to talk to me?" Blaine called and Kurt knew that he would be resting his forehead against the door on the other side, only a thin layer of wood between them.

Kurt didn't respond. He kept his eyes locked on the door, knowing it was locked but somehow still afraid that Blaine would come in to face him anyway.

"It's getting late, and if I don't go home soon my parents will kill me. I don't wanna leave you like this," Blaine tried again, and Kurt could hear that his voice was stressed.

"I'm fine, Blaine. Just - I'm really tired. Text me later, okay?" Kurt said, praying that Blaine wouldn't hear how shaky his voice was. The worst was the guilt. The guilt over lying to him. He had never lied to Blaine before.

"Kurt, come on. Please don't do this, baby…" Blaine begged through the door, his concerned voice piercing into Kurt's ears and a mental image of his probably pained face burning on his closed eyelids.

Kurt got off the toilet and crossed the floor with cautious steps as if he was afraid Blaine would be able to hear his bare feet on the soft rug on the floor. He leaned his forehead against the door, wishing that he could just disappear into Blaine's arms instead of having this stupid piece of wood separating them.

"You're gonna be late. We'll talk in the morning. Just go home before your parents will freak out," Kurt pleaded of him with his cheek pressed against the cold door, imagining it was Blaine's skin, but no matter what Blaine would never be as cold and hard against him.

There was silence. Nothing could be heard from his room and he nearly thought Blaine had just left when he spoke again, his defeated voice shooting pain into Kurt's temple where it floated through the door, Kurt feeling Blaine's voice in his fingers and palms, his cheek and temple pressed against the thing he so badly wanted to go away.

"Alright. I'm not gonna force you to do anything. I just wish that you would talk to me instead. I'm gonna go home. I'm gonna kiss the door now," Blaine sighed.

Kurt knew that it was true. From everything he knew about Blaine he knew that he would do that. Kiss the door when it was forming a distance between them, only being a few inches but feeling like miles.

So Kurt pressed his lips against the door as well.

"Me too," he muttered with a squeaky voice.

"Bye. I love you, Kurt."

"I… I love you too," he stammered under his breath, hoping that he sounded convincing, because if anything in this world he loved Blaine more than he could ever express.

**xXx**

The night was awful. He went to bed early, for a Saturday at least, under the excuse that he wasn't feeling well - which wasn't a lie. He couldn't fall asleep though. It was only around 11.30 and his room was baking hot. He kept twisting and turning, knowing that he should take off his warm-as-hell cotton pajamas, but he couldn't do that. Usually he didn't have a problem about sleeping in his underwear and a t-shirt, but right now he wanted to cover up his body as thoroughly as possible.

He hadn't heard anything from Blaine since he left around 10. He was glad that he hadn't been forced to face his guilt straight in the gut, but he missed Blaine and hated himself for having sent him off like that.

_What if Blaine thought that he didn't love him anymore?_

His phone lit up on the nightstand and his heart jumped to his throat. He debated with himself whether or not he didn't even want to bother checking the text, but then it hit him that if it was Blaine and he didn't reply it would only make everything seem much worse than it was.

Except everything _was _much worse. Blaine didn't even know that Kurt had a secret that would gross him out.

He grabbed for his phone, hoping that it would be Blaine so he could reply with a message that would let him know that they were okay.

It wasn't Blaine. Kurt's face dropped when he saw a text from Rachel on his display. He didn't even bother to read it, and he didn't really care that it wasn't like her to text him so late. He let his phone drop to the mattress and curled up with his knees as high to his chest as he possibly could.

He wanted to text Blaine. He really did. He had grabbed out his phone several times since he left, but each time he had opened the already saved conversation with Blaine in his inbox he had stared into the display without knowing what to tell him. It would be much easier if Blaine sent the first text so he simply had to reply.

But Blaine didn't text, and Kurt fell into an uneasy sleep.

**xXx**

When Kurt was back in school on Monday he was much more relaxed. He had told himself over and over again that he was making a big deal out of nothing. Blaine wouldn't be able to see on him that he had this twisted weird liking to something as obscene, and he could simply do his best to guide Blaine away from that area to avoid it happening again.

_It's not as bad as you make it. He promised he would love you no matter what, and he will. It's Blaine, he loves you - he doesn't need to know_, Kurt had kept telling himself, nearly making a mantra out of it.

When Blaine had caught him by his locker he had been a bit nervous. He hadn't heard from him throughout the entire Sunday, so he was afraid he might be mad over the way their Saturday had ended. That wasn't the case at all, though.

"Hey stranger," Blaine mumbled as he leaned against the locker next to Kurt's, taking in the view as Kurt felt his cheeks flush. That soft, caring voice had made his knees go weak for longer than a year, and even though people might argue that it was impossible he would swear that it only grew stronger by day.

"Blaine. I am _so _sorry about Saturday. I don't know what happened. I… I just didn't feel well, and I didn't want you to see me like that. I am so sorry," Kurt blabbered out. At least this was only half a lie, but he still felt guilty and couldn't make himself meet those dark brown eyes that always felt like they were staring directly into his heart.

"Kurt, it's okay. I'm sorry if I made you feel like I… pushed you, or something. I didn't mean to," Blaine apologized and Kurt was afraid he was gonna cry.

_Why does he have to be so damn perfect? Why can't he just get angry with me like I deserve for acting like that? Stupid Prince Charming, with stupid gorgeous brown eyes and stupid smile and stupid velvet hair and stupid… amazing kisses and touch_, Kurt cursed to himself, ready to fall into Blaine's arms right away.

"Stop. You didn't do anything - it was me. I was just… in a really weird mood. You were perfect. As always," Kurt did his best to assure him.

_Well it was your tongue_, he thought to himself but stopped his thoughts before he went overboard.

"And are you okay now?" Blaine asked, his expression transformed to a more Blaine'ish one, his one eyebrow raised and his eyes darting down Kurt's frame to take in his outfit of the day as he leaned a little closer to Kurt.

"I am. I promise. It won't happen again," Kurt responded and felt his cheeks go warm, but in a good way - the Blaine-really-loves-me kind of way.

"Good. I was gonna text you yesterday, but I figured you needed some space so I hoped that you would say if you needed me and just give you some time until you were ready yourself," Blaine said softly and let his thumb and index finger travel down the collar on Blaine's waistcoat.

"You really are the most considerate person in the world," Kurt smiled warmly, hoping Blaine could feel how sorry he was.

For the rest of the day they only let each other out of their sight when they were forced to go to class. In glee club they snuck their hands together while watching Brittany do a performance of _The Tourist_'s classic _I Only Wanna Be With You _and after school they went to Blaine's house to watch TV on his bed entangled in each other.

It was nice being back. Even though it had only been around 30 hours without them speaking it had felt like an eternity. Kurt swore that no matter what happened that would never come over them again. Never.

It continued throughout the week. Everything was back to normal and all of Kurt's worries were pushed to the back of his mind. As long as Blaine was holding his hand nothing could really be that terrible.

They spent their time on going to the mall, having dinner with Blaine's parents, watching movies and of course endless hours at The Lima Bean with friends or just the two of them.

No sex though. Not because Kurt avoided it and Blaine didn't seem like he was either - the heat just didn't reach that high.

**xXx**

They were lying on Kurt's bed after an extremely hard week at school. Mr. Schuester had pushed them really hard as Nationals was coming up, no one was talking about anything but exams, and it simply seemed like there constantly was something that needed to be done.

So they had agreed that their Friday would be dedicated to nothing but enjoying each other. It had been three weeks since the dreadful evening in Kurt's room and it seemed like Blaine more or less had forgot about it.

Now Kurt was resting his head on Blaine's chest, both of Blaine's arms safely wrapped around him, and he was sure that the comforting sound of Blaine's heartbeat would be enough to lull him into a surely earned nap.

"Kurt?" Blaine suddenly said softly, Kurt considering pretending he was asleep so he could snuggle into his embrace and have a little peace in his head.

However, he was sure that this was something Blaine wanted to do. Neither of them usually ever broke their quiet times like this one. It had been like an unspoken agreement that quiet-time would be quiet-time; time for them to feel and be with one another.

"Mhm," Kurt hummed in response, his eyes still closed and his arm squeezing Blaine's waist gently.

Blaine drew a heavy breath, making Kurt's head rise with his chest before slowly sinking again. He loved that, when Blaine sighed or took a heavy breath whenever he was posing as pillow for him. He loved the way it made him feel that they were alive, and he loved the way he could Blaine's muscles working under him. He had never said anything, but he always secretly thought of him as his strong man, knight in shining armor and adorable bowties to protect him - a feeling that was always strengthened when he could feel Blaine's body being strong in that way.

"I was thinking… do you think our sex is boring?" Blaine asked and Kurt's eyes flew straight open. He was not ready for this conversation!

_Oh no. He knows. He put two and two together and now he knows and he will think I'm creepy and twisted and have some weird issues. Oh god, oh god, oh god._

Kurt was mentally hyperventilating. He was really not prepared for this conversation, and now that Blaine had opened it he had no idea if he should deny everything or if he should break down and come clean so he could pack up his stuff and get ready for his future as forever-single with a million cats.

He rushed to sit up to have a look at Blaine, trying to decipher where this conversation would take them, but nothing but lazy, weekend, haze was covering his beautiful features

"Why would you say that?" Kurt asked, deciding that like this he wouldn't be lying and he wouldn't be spilling his dark double side either. This was a grey area, a free zone.

Blaine shifted a little in his spot, gazing at Kurt with a hint of a soft smile and his hand running soothing up and down Kurt's back.

"Not really any reason. I just… came to think that we pretty much always do the same. Not that I don't like it, because I do. You are - a wizard in bed. Really. You have given me pleasures in a way I didn't even knew the human body was capable of," Blaine assured him, emphasizing how much it wasn't because he wasn't satisfied with Kurt's skills.

Kurt blushed. He could feel his skin flush from his cheeks and down his neck. He would never get used to Blaine so casually telling him how much he enjoyed what they did in bed together.

Blaine's hand found its way from Kurt's back and around to slide down his arm so he could sneak it into Kurt's hand on his knee between them

"I was just wondering whether there was anything new you wanted to try? I mean, it's pretty much been me every time we've taken a new step, and I can't help thinking… I wanna do stuff you want to do, make your fantasies come true. Don't you have any fantasies?" Blaine asked, his eyes locked on his fingers playing mindlessly with Kurt's.

The room was spinning. It was way too hot for the shirt he was wearing, and he wondered how Blaine could feel so chill in his dapper sweater.

"I… uhm… I don't know… I don't think so," Kurt stuttered awkwardly, glad that Blaine wasn't looking directly at him, even though he knew that he was peeking up at his face from under his eyelashes.

Blaine sat up, and now he was definitely staring directly at him. There was no way Kurt could escape this. Blaine had decided they were going to have this talk, and he was not allowed to flee.

_Shit. What if he mentions it? What if he…_

"You can't really not have any fantasies. Isn't there anything you wanna try? Something you've thought about me doing to you, or you doing to me? Or doing _with _me?" He kept going. He had really thought this through.

"I can't really think of anything right now," Kurt muttered, his voice so low that it was nearly a whisper.

He could almost feel it. The tip of Blaine's tongue brushing fleetingly over his hole, making sparks run through his nervous system and his muscles tense in expectation.

He had pushed the thought away for so long, but now that Blaine had brought it up it felt like it had only been minutes ago. He felt a light twitch in his pants and hoped by Judy that he wasn't going to turn hard now.

Blaine didn't say anything. His eyes flickered between Kurt's, scrutinized every move of muscles on his face, and every flutter of his eyelashes - before he fell back to lie properly on the pillows behind him.

"Alright. If you do think of something… tell me. I wanna do that for you. I wanna try everything with you," he backed away, his eyes a little suspicious before he kissed Kurt's hand and closed his eyes.

"Now come here and lie with me. I believe we were in the middle of something important," he cooed and opened his arms for Kurt to lie back down in his former position.

Kurt laid back down and closed his eyes like before. Only not like before. That little pinch of worry in the back of his mind had suddenly grown to a big, throbbing pain on his frontal lap. Now it felt like every breath from Blaine was symbolizing the way the clock was ticking towards the moment where Blaine would confront him with this… abnormality.

_What do I do? He knows. He definitely knows. Why else would he suddenly be like that? Oh god, I'm gonna lose him._

Kurt grabbed a handful of Blaine's sweater and kissed his chest. He drew heavy breaths to make sure he would never forget the amazing scent of being surrounded by Blaine. He squeezed his hand to make sure he would never forget the feeling of Blaine's skin against his own. Even though it would be the most painful feeling in the world he would rather live with the most vivid memory of Blaine ever than to forget him and what they had shared.

**xXx**

Days passed and nothing happened. Blaine didn't bring up the subject again and neither did Kurt. He knew that Blaine hadn't forgot about it, but he was sure that he was simply backing off to not make Kurt uncomfortable.

Perfect Prince Charming.

Most of their time together over the next week was spent with dance rehearsals and vocal lessons to perfect their backup for Rachel's solo.

They snuck their hands together as often as they could, and stole a kiss or two when the others weren't looking. Not that they didn't want the others to see them kiss, they just liked their kisses to be private, even if it was only a peck on the lips between dance routines or high keys.

However, it didn't matter much that they didn't have much alone time over the week though, because Burt and Carole would be out of the house from Thursday to the night between Sunday and Monday. Kurt had begged Rachel to make Finn come to her place so he and Blaine could have the house to themselves. She was happy to help, and sent him a little wink with her promise, and Kurt felt his face go scarlet as he heard a nervous giggle escape his lips.

It wasn't like that. Sure, they had talked about how good it would be to not having to worry about locking the bedroom door, or whether Finn or their parents would hear anything - but what they were mostly looking forward to was the way they would be together.

Blaine was only allowed to stay over Friday and Saturday - no school nights was a rule his parents were very strict about. But the promise of what was to come definitely made up for it.

Whenever they were offered with the possibility of having the house to themselves for more than a few hours over the afternoon they had agreed that it was perfect practice for when they were living in New York together.

Of course they knew it would be harder, much harder than this, but the fact that Blaine felt so confident about wanting to live with him some day made Kurt sure that they would be able to stand through anything the world could throw at them.

Blaine came by after school Thursday as well. He had promised to stay until he had to go home for bed because Kurt really wanted an excuse for not hanging in the living room with Finn because he had some kind of sport thing he wanted to watch.

So they hung with Finn over the afternoon, but after dinner they retreated to Kurt's room.

He had no idea how it happened. One moment they had been laughing about something Cooper had done for an audition and the next they were on Kurt's bed with the door locked and their clothes steadily starting to spread around the floor.

It had been amazing sex. Kurt had insisted on being top, to avoid any complications he noted himself, and Blaine had been eager for it.

They had gone slow, their bodies sweaty and hot against each other under the sheets, their eyes constantly locked with each other. With each gentle thrust into his body Blaine had been gasping encouragingly, told him how good it felt or how beautiful and sexy he was.

As if the night just needed the extra last pinch to be perfect they came nearly at the same time with their mouths locked, their lips gently massaging against each other. They had kissed each other down from their high and Kurt fallen to rest his cheek on Blaine's wet chest still inside of him, perfectly melted together as one.

"I love you - so much," Blaine mumbled into his hair, kissing his moist locks with his fingertips running up and down his back, the tingling the perfect way to ease his overly sensitive skin.

"I love you too," Kurt has smiled, so happy he could cry. He wished that he had the energy to kiss Blaine's collarbone, but even though it was right in front of his nose he couldn't even begin to consider it.

They fell asleep like that, and when they woke up it was because Finn was knocking on the door. Kurt panicked, regardless of how many times Blaine reminded him that the door was locked.

They hurried to clean themselves up and get dressed. It was almost ten so Blaine was already late, but he didn't want to let go of Kurt.

"The weekend is gonna be amazing. I can't wait to spend every second with you," he crooned as he pressed kisses to Kurt's neck and cheek.

His lips were still full and stunningly pink after they had spent such a long time on kissing before falling asleep. There was no way Kurt could be expected to resist that when they were so openly begging for him.

"You need to leave now, or your parents might not even let you come tomorrow," he pouted against Blaine's hot mouth. How easy the world would be if only they were living in New York already?

Blaine finally caved in and left after a good dozen pecks all over Kurt's face, and a starry-eyed declaration of his beauty that made Kurt fear he was about to swoon like his life had been a Disney movie.

As soon as Blaine was home he texted him and Kurt could go to bed with eased mind.

**Blaine: **"My mom was in a good mood. She said that she was glad that we are happy together. I'm happy that we are happy together. See you tomorrow, prince. Love you."

Kurt had forced himself to spend half an hour on the couch to give Finn a little company before going to bed, so with Blaine's text he had to mush his face against a pillow to not squeal too loud - yet earning a pair of raised eyebrows from Finn because of the way he positively looked like he was trying to eat the pillow.

**Kurt: **"I am happy that we are happy too. I will always be happy with you. And I am happy that your family doesn't hate me. Disaster! But I love you. Have a good night, gorgeous."

He went to sleep happy, ecstatic, more and more convinced that the butterflies that had taken place in his stomach when he had first met Blaine had now grown to be big beautiful phoenixes living in his entire body, because this feeling simply couldn't be just tiny fluttering insects anymore.

**xXx**

Friday seemed to drag away. It was way slower than seemed possible and Kurt started to suspect that Coach Sylvester had messed with the watches all over school so ten minutes on the clock actually was an hour in real-life-time in order to keep them suffering in their classrooms for much longer than they had to.

Unfortunately his phone agreed with the school watches and it didn't seem like anyone but him and Blaine had noticed how time had slowed down around them without their approval.

Right as he was about to send Blaine an elaborate text about how Coach Sylvester had paid to have a special magnet developed with the sole purpose of messing up all clocks an d technology all over McKinley the bell chimed and he abandoned all conspiracy theories.

He pushed his things into his satchel as quickly as possible without ruining anything or bending any corners. He hurried down the hall to Blaine's locker to wait for him, not caring that people was staring as he was practically running.

Already as he reached the right metal cabinet he could see a flash of perfect white teeth grinning at him through the crowd of eager teenagers fighting their way to the freedom of the weekend.

"Hello good sir. Are you ready for a weekend of poetry reading and strolls in the park with the higher society?" Blaine grinned and bowed to kiss his hand with a deep glance up at him from under those ridiculously long eyelashes.

"Alright. Remind me to not watch Jane Austen movies with you again," Kurt giggled and wished that Blaine would never stop being so nonchalant. If it had been anyone but him it had been sickeningly cheesy - but Kurt had long ago learned that his boyfriend had a gift of pulling off anything and still be believable. With Blaine it was never an act.

"You love it," Blaine chuckled and offered him his hand so they could put Kurt's stuff in his locker before going to the world outside where they could pretend school didn't exist and if they wanted they could even pretend to be in another century. With Blaine everything could be.

**xXx**

The afternoon resulted in a nap on Kurt's bed with Blaine's head on his shoulder and his lips against his neck. Kurt was sure he had never had such great sleep as he had in the time he and Blaine had been allowed to share beds for their parents. Which had only been for a few months after they had argued that they would be sharing room at the hotel in Chicago anyway.

Yet Kurt would swear on Ingrid Bergman's life that his skin and hair showed signs of better sleep after the nights he had spent in Blaine's arms. Mercedes had called him bonkers, but Rachel and Blaine had agreed with him.

"Who knew perfect beauty could be improved?" Blaine had shrugged as if it was the most natural thing in the world, but Rachel had looked like she was about to burst from his comment and Kurt knew that if he hadn't wanted to keep himself together in front of Blaine he would have been the same way.

When they woke up they agreed that they were too exhausted for cooking and ordered in food from a new sushi restaurant in town. They brought it all to the couch where they could watch _Casanova _and randomly feed each other with sushi rolls. Blaine was, of course, being perfect with his chopsticks but Kurt was nearly losing it until Blaine taught him how to hold them right.

"There really isn't one thing you can't do, huh?" Kurt said dryly with a raised eyebrow as he watched Blaine work the sticks as gracefully as he usually did with normal cutlery.

"Oh I thought you knew," Blaine feigned a hurt tone and laughed.

"There's lots of thing I can't do. Trust me," he said with a tint of hurt pride in his voice and suddenly the joke had turned real.

Kurt had only been joking, but he honestly thought that Blaine was extremely superb at anything he did.

Neither of them said anymore. They finished their dinner and let the movie end before they cleaned the table. When they returned to the living room _Life Of A Geisha _was on and they agreed to watch.

Blaine snuck his way between Kurt's arms and legs so he could hold around him while using him for pillow, completely enveloped in Kurt's body.

As the movie ended Blaine kissed Kurt's chin, up his cheekbone and up to his temple where he whispered for him to join him in bed.

They made love again. That was really what it was. It wasn't sex, but pure, liquid love and security shot directly into their veins. Blaine was on top and Kurt would swear that his body felt like silk pressed down on his naked frame.

They fell asleep to be naked throughout the night for the first time ever and Kurt could feel that the broad smile on his face would continue in his sleep as he let go and let fatigue get the best of him.

**xXx**

When Kurt woke up the next morning Blaine was still asleep and it took him a moment to realize why he wasn't wearing any clothes. When he noticed that Blaine wasn't either he started feeling awkward. He considered at least sneaking on his underwear, but Blaine moaned and wrapped his strong arm around him. The feeling of his perfect bicep holding his body down, and his hand pressing Kurt's body against Blaine's naked frame was enough to convince him that staying naked close to Blaine who was also naked was probably the best idea life could have presented him.

When Blaine woke up Kurt realized he had dozed off himself, but it didn't matter because they had no plans. If they wanted to they could stay in bed all day. Which was a temptation worse than a Prada sale.

They didn't, though. They spent the day going to the music store so Blaine could buy the _Katy Perry Complete Confection_ that he wouldn't shut up about, and then they went for a walk in the park, followed by lunch at Breadstix, home again by five.

The second they were back in Kurt's room he dropped to the bed. He wasn't tired, simply in a cuddly mood which Blaine quickly figured out.

"What are you doing?" Kurt asked hazy as Blaine started trying to get through Kurt's clothes, starting by forcing his poncho over his head so he could move to work on opening the button on his jeans.

"I am saving you. From a prison of fabulous clothes -" Blaine responded like it was the most obvious thing in the world and Kurt should clearly have known that.

Kurt quickly pulled the bedspread to cover him and Blaine rolled his eyes teasingly before he started taking his own clothes off instead.

"Then get rid of it yourself. In a minute I will come there and cover you in kisses everywhere - which won't feel as satisfying if there's fabric separating us," Blaine explained as his polo was put on his cardigan on the chair, his torso revealed to take Kurt's breath away.

He let his pants fall and now he was wearing nothing but his purple boxers softly smoothing their way around his hypnotizing body.

Kurt rolled his eyes at him and started to drag off the rest of his own clothes to fold it before putting it in a pile on the floor. Blaine had been watching him with a patient smile and now came crawling over the bed like a cat, his eyes just as dark and glowing as the ones of a jungle cat and his movements equally as graceful as he straddled Kurt on top of the sheets.

"You're beautiful," Kurt gasped, once again stunned by the way Blaine's soul shone through his eyes, putting a well-earned angelic glow around him.

Blaine grinned, his cheeks growing a little rosy under the tanned skin. With a hand brushing over Kurt's cheek he bent down to place a chaste kiss on his lips.

"No one is as beautiful as you," he whispered, his lips ghosting over Kurt's and chills filled his body. His arms were trapped to lie down his body length and it was painful because he wanted, needed, to run his fingers through those dark hairs on his thighs and up those thin hairs on his arms so he could feel muscles, the skin, the warmth to let it fill him that this perfect, living, breathing human being was with him, kissing him, touching him, loving him.

"Kiss me. Please," Kurt requested weakly, craving Blaine's lips back to his own.

It was excruciating to be separated by the bedspread. It was terrible to know that a layer of thick cotton was the only thing to make sure their skin didn't meet.

As if he felt the same way Blaine raised himself a little on his knees so he could push the blanket away and sit down on Kurt's hips. The feeling of Blaine touching him directly made his nerves search for the surface, and his hands darted towards his thighs. They were so strong, so protective around him. He needed to caress them, his thumbs brushing them lightly.

Blaine bent back down, his face straight in front of Kurt's so his breath was moist and minty on his lips. His eyes were warm and Kurt wished that he knew what was going on behind them.

"I love you," he whispered, those magical, brown orbs flickering between Kurt's blue.

"I love you too," Kurt gulped, afraid that he might cry from the intimacy and closeness of the moment. This was all he ever dreamed of.

A devious smile crept over Blaine's face and Kurt's instincts told him that something had popped in Blaine's head. He had an idea, a plan.

"I love your soft lips," he said and made his lips meet Kurt's, pressed them lightly together before he retreated.

"I love your gorgeous eyes." He let a hand over Kurt's eyes to close them so he could gently kiss his eyelids.

"You're crazy!" Kurt chuckled as he opened his eyes, but Blaine put a finger to his lips to hush him and Kurt obeyed. This was no time to speak, only time for him to feel loved - and he was sure that Blaine's love was bubbling in his veins.

"I love you wonderful face." Blaine kissed his cheeks, his forehead, his nose and chin.

"I love your collarbones." He moved a little down to sit on his thighs instead as he kissed and lightly sucked on his collarbones, making goosebumps spread over his skin.

"But most of all…"

Blaine started out and took good time to stare into Kurt's eyes, as if he was trying to use some sort of telepathic way of telling him something, and Kurt was holding his breath in anticipation of what would be next.

"…I love your heart."

He let his lips meet Kurt's chest, right at his heart. Kurt let out a sigh and made his fingers bury themselves in Blaine's hair, not caring that they would be greasy from his gel.

The kiss was soft, light and innocent and Kurt could feel how warm and full his lips were. He wished that they would never leave his skin because this was surely how they were meant to be.

Kurt got ready to kiss him as deeply as he could, do his best to channel all of his emotions and passion through the simple gesture of a kiss that was all he had to offer Blaine in return for his love.

Blaine rested his temple against Kurt's heart for a moment and Kurt let his fingers continue to softly run through the tamed curls on the back of his head. Blaine put one more quick kiss to his heart before he moved further down his body and Kurt was surprised. He thought he was done and now they would cuddle up for the rest of the day.

"I love your bellybutton. It's so cute and innocent - like you."

He kissed around Kurt's navel before Kurt let out a gasp as Blaine let his tongue flick over the sensitive spot. A tingling feeling rushed through his body, shocked - because he never knew something as pointless as his bellybutton could make him feel that way.

He could feel Blaine grin against his stomach as he kissed his way down to the hem of Kurt's dusty blue boxer briefs. He let his tongue trace a line above as he let the tip find down the elastic to tease.

"But I also love your less innocent side. The side of you that no one but I get to see… sometimes I think that you won't even let me see it. But I know - that you have a wild side. A side - that is as free and creative… even a little kinky - as you are angelic," Blaine said between kisses on his stomach, over his hips, down his thighs - each word carefully breathy to tease and play.

_No, no, no! He can't do his. Please don't. Please don't get into that_, Kurt thought as he fought to keep his breathing even and his abdomens flexed under Blaine's hands.

"One of the things I love about that is… your cock."

He pressed his lips onto the increasing bulge in Kurt's underwear, mouthing at the head as he let his hands slide up and down his thighs, fingers sneaking under the hem.

"I love what it does to me. The way it can mess with my brain even when we're not together. The way it feels when it's inside me, I feel so full - I love the way it feels in my mouth, on my tongue, how it tastes," he said breathy as he licked and mouthed a little more at the fabric, and Kurt's hips witched to buck against his face.

"Blaine. You can't just… say stuff like that!" Kurt objected, but his voice was breathy and uneven - and there was no way Blaine could avoid seeing, feeling, how hard he had gone in his shorts.

"But our relationship is built on honesty, right?" He responded and let his fingers grab around the hem of Kurt's underwear.

"Blaine -" Kurt started, a roaring war between his lust and his panic fighting for right to have power over his words and brain.

"Is it okay? I just really, _really _want you," Blaine said. Of course he would stop if Kurt asked him to - but did he want to tell him to stop?

Blaine had stopped and raised himself on his palms to watch Kurt, see his face so he could determine what to expect. His eyes were lust blown but awaiting. His entire body was put on standby and Kurt knew that he needed to make a decision or Blaine would explode from the unknown.

"I… do it, Blaine - please," he stammered and realized how needy he sounded.

He didn't continue. He kept his gaze locked on Kurt, searching his eyes, making sure it was okay.

"Are you sure? I don't wanna do anything if you don't want to," Blaine asked one more time.

Kurt raised his head a little from the pillow before he let his fingers fight their way into Blaine's hair on each side of his head, assuring and soothing, promising him that he would never say yes if he didn't mean it.

"Our relationship is built on honesty, right?" He smiled down at Blaine and pouted his lips, whereto Blaine rushed up to attack his kiss.

It only took Blaine a second to have Kurt's boxers down around his thighs, his hand fumbling to decide whether to ignore taking them completely off or to start handing him right away. Apparently he figured that it was an impossible decision, because he ended their kiss by biting Kurt's lower lip lightly before he went back down his torso where he grabbed his dick whilst using the free hand to rip the blue fabric down his legs so Kurt could kick them off himself.

"I had a thought the other day… and there's something I wanna try… something I've wanted to do for a long time… I hope you'll like it," Blaine breathed with a teasing, horny spark in his eye before he dived his mouth down to take as much of Kurt in as possible.

He was so surprised that he nearly let out a squeal. His fingers dug into Blaine's scalp, and his legs twisted, so Blaine let his palms caress up and down the backside of his thighs.

His mouth was hot and already so wet. He didn't waste time on teasing and building but simply started out with bobbing his head up and down, wetting up his length with his tongue following the underside of his shaft.

Blaine sucked at his head and Kurt felt warmth run from his head, through his veins and towards his crotch. He hadn't known how turned on he was because he had been so caught by Blaine's romantic words.

After a few strokes of his tongue and lips around Kurt's cock Blaine let his mouth up to suck hard around his head, making Kurt's hips arch a little from the bed.

He continued licking over his head, teasing the slit, the frenulum and down his shaft. He was swirling his tongue around, like he was determined to not let one tiny spot of Kurt's cock go dry or unnoticed, and the determination he worked with certainly did make it feel like it never had before.

Without warning Blaine sucked his one ball into his mouth, sucking and let it out, quickly taking the other in before starting to lick down his scrotum and up his sac again.

_Fuck. So close, he can't be close, no what if_…

Before he could think any closer Blaine had dug his tongue into Kurt's hole.

Kurt's eyes sprung open as he felt the known spark traveling from his ass up his spine. Blaine didn't stop. This time it wasn't an accident.

He didn't know whether to cry or stop him. He wanted to push the pleasure away so badly, because it was wrong, and that Blaine had figured out that he liked it was embarrassing and humiliating, yet it was such an incredible declaration of love that Blaine was willing to do something like that just to make him happy.

Blaine let his tongue out to lick up Kurt's crack. He lapped at his hole and chased circles around the puckered ring before pressing back in.

Tears started running down Kurt's face as he squeezed his eyes shot, but his muscles were tensing while his fingers grabbed stronger around Blaine's dark locks.

The sensation of Blaine's tongue being inside him made his brain clock out and he figured that he might as well let go off himself and enjoy it while it lasted. It didn't seem like Blaine was planning on stopping, and his body would never forgive him if he cut off now, so he let himself dive headfirst into the feeling.

It wasn't like anything he had ever tried before. Everything was wet down there, everything. His muscle was clenching eagerly as Blaine started fucking his hole with his tongue, and he was groaning loudly while doing so.

"Oh… shit… _Blaine_!" Kurt whined before he could stop himself, the sound making Blaine rise his speed, tipping his tongue upwards and running in circles _inside of him_.

Out of nowhere he pushed a finger into him next to his tongue, and Kurt's head fell harder and deeper into the pillow under him. He was gripping so hard around Blaine's head that he was afraid he might hurt hi, but he couldn't seem to make his fingers let go.

"Blaine, don't…" he groaned, ashamed of the sounds escaping his mouth, but he couldn't hold them in anymore.

His body felt like it was on fire and his dick was throbbing, _aching_. His breathing was so loud he was sure the neighbors could hear him, but he couldn't stop. It was too good, too real, too exciting.

Blaine added one more finger, his tongue flipping up and down between them as he thrusts his fingers into him. Kurt's ass bucked down making Blaine's nose bore into the cleft of his ass, and he wouldn't even think about how he was looking right now.

"Do you want me to stop?" Blaine heaved, still pushing his fingers in, and Kurt felt nearly empty from the sudden lack of tongue.

_Say yes, he doesn't have to do this to make me happy_, Kurt's mind was screaming at him.

"No. Blaine… don't stop. _God_ don't stop," he heard his own voice beg and Blaine ventured his tongue directly in between his fingers again, making Kurt express a loud groan.

Blaine was humming and moaning against his hole, making vibrations run through Kurt's entire pelvis to spread through his skin and dig into his muscles via his nerves.

It was like Blaine's saliva was a toxic acid spreading from his ass through his blood to take over his entire body, because everything that filled Kurt was Blaine's tongue and spit and the pounding pleasure that made him noisily heave for air while thrusting out pieces of "_Blaine yes_" and "_You're so good_!"

His abdomens started tightening all he way to his sac. The well-knowing feeling of electricity started tingling up and down his blood, and his head started to cloud over.

Blaine knew his body so well, so his free hand flew to Kurt's shaft where he started swiping. His head was still buried by his ass, his fingers out now so he could let lick up his crack, lap at his hole and make the tip do a teasing dance before pushing it as deep in as he could.

His fingers were back around his tongue, flicking up and down while his tongue was fucking in and out. Kurt was writing on the bed, and his thighs were tensing so badly that they felt like filled with acid.

"Mhm, come for me, Kurt - don't hold back," Blaine groaned while smearing his pre-come down his shaft with his thumb, now moving his head in circles to let the entire length of his tongue going round in his ass.

That was it. He couldn't stop it.

It felt like every muscle in Kurt's body was focused on tightening his hole and pumping towards his crotch. His cock was twitching and pulsing with come hitting his stomach and Blaine's hand.

He was squeezing his thighs around Blaine's head while he continued to work his hand around Kurt's cock, his tongue and fingers still going in his hole to help him through his orgasm.

Stars were dancing around his inner eye as he couldn't hold back a noise that sounding like the highest pitch of "_Blaine, fuck yes baby_" he had ever let out of his mouth.

As soon as he was done he didn't get to let embarrassment take over him because Blaine was up to lie on top of him, crashing his mouth onto Kurt's before he couldn't even catch his breath. Kurt didn't know when he had taken off his own shorts but it didn't matter because he was hard and pre-come was dripping on Kurt's hip.

Blaine grabbed around Kurt's hand and locked them together around his shaft, making them fist around him. Kurt had no idea if he had ever felt Blaine's dick so warm and throbbing but even though he was overly sensitive from the hardest orgasm he had ever had he helped Blaine towards release.

_Oh god his tongue was in my ass. That tongue is in my mouth now. Shit. It shouldn't be hot, it shouldn't be hot._

He continued to return Blaine's hungry kiss before he felt Blaine's back arch and press their chests closer together, Blaine's nipples digging into Kurt's tingling skin.

It only took a second before Kurt's hand was wet and hot. Blaine was growling into his mouth. "_Damn, Kurt - don't stop_" and "_Kurt, you're so… goo_d" was mixed with incoherent noises and weak whimpers from Blaine's mouth as he pushed his forehead into the crook of his neck and his teeth nearly scraping the skin of his shoulder.

He was done. He was drained. There was no more left in Blaine. Nor in Kurt.

They were heaving for air, their chests working in unison. I was like all oxygen had left the room, and Kurt didn't even care that his hand was soiled as he let it drop to his side on the sheets.

Blaine shuffled his head up to start kissing over his jaw and cheek before falling down to lie next to him. He dried off his hand on his own thigh before he folded his arm over Kurt's waist and rested his forehead against his shoulder while gasping for breath.

_Oh no. Oh no, no, no. He knows. Now he knows._

Kurt's breathing was slowly starting to return to normal and so was his brain. It was like a flashing neon sign saying PERVERT was floating around his brain. It wouldn't let go, it wouldn't leave. It was him - and Blaine knew, and had done it for him.

He could feel that he went stiff in Blaine's grip, but he couldn't move. He needed to face Blaine after this and he would be able to see it in his eyes. If he simply ignored it completely it would be the biggest douche act in the history of the world, but he couldn't do anything else. He couldn't exactly go "_Thank you, honey. For fulfilling my dirty need regardless of how twisted and gross it was_."

Tears was back to stinging in his eyes and without thinking he turned his back on Blaine, curling up to a ball so he wouldn't have to meet his eyes. For now at least.

"Hey. What are you doing? I wanna hold you," Blaine object and pressed his naked frame against Kurt's back, only making chills run down his spine from the feeling of Blaine's naked muscles so visibly in feeling on his back.

Kurt squeezed his eyes closed, opened his mouth to respond and realized that he could still feel the afterlife of Blaine's tongue inside of him. His crack was wet and slick with spit, nearly feeling as if Blaine had come in him instead. He had no response, instead he simply dragged the bedspread further up to cover his body almost completely.

"Kurt? Are you okay?" Blaine asked, now sounding worried.

_God, what am I gonna say to him? Fuck!_

Blaine said up and grabbed carefully on Kurt's arm. He could feel that he was staring at his face, trying to get an answer out of him.

"Kurt, would you look at me? Did I do something wrong? Why do you suddenly get like this?" Blaine sounded hurt now. He did have the right to, Kurt knew he was being completely unfair to just turn his back on him.

"No. No, you were…" Kurt started and twisted his torso to look at Blaine without meeting his eyes, but he couldn't get the words out.

_Sensational, amazing, extraordinary, incredible, breathtaking _- if he said all of that it would be like admitting how big of a turn of it was for him to have his boyfriend lick his ass while fucking him on his fingers.

"Are you crying? God, Kurt - you need to tell me what's going on. I can't read your mind you know. Did I hurt you?" Blaine panicked and let his hand rub soothingly over Kurt's sore tricep.

Blaine's hair was a mess. His curls had run away from the gel and were now roaming around his head. His face was glistening from sweat and his eyes were swimming with fatigue and concern.

"I'm fine. I just… need a minute," Kurt lied and hoped he was a good enough actor to make Blaine relax and lie down. How could he think about him, when Kurt had just let him do something like that to him? Kurt should be asking him if he was okay!

Blaine cringed his eyes for a second, deciding whether or not to believe that he was actually meaning it before he let out a defeated sigh and lay back down, folded his arm around Kurt's waist to drag him close.

"At least lie with me. Please. I already miss feeling you," Blaine requested tired, and Kurt turned around to let himself disappear into Blaine's embrace.

They stayed close in silence. Kurt's head rested on Blaine's shoulder with Blaine's fingertip tracing trails up and down his naked back and arm. Kurt felt guilty and dirty. It was him who should be taking care of Blaine right now, not the other way around. He was the worst boyfriend in the world.

"That was… that was so hot," Blaine suddenly said after a long time with their breathing being the only sound to fill the room.

Kurt's body stiffened. He didn't dare open his eyes, so he stayed shut and held his breath with the scent of musk and man and Blaine piercing into his nostrils.

"The way you sounded, the way you clenched around me - god, if I knew it would be so hot I would have done it before," Blaine chuckled and kissed Kurt's hair.

_Is he just saying that to make me feel better? He has to be. Oh no, I am such a horrible person._

"What… do you mean?" Kurt dared to ask, forced himself to ask, knowing that he needed to say something. He owed Blaine to say something.

"Are you serious? I've been thinking about that for such a long time, and now that we did it I just… _wow_. You are the hottest boyfriend in the world!" Blaine burst out and tightened his arms around Kurt's shoulders, holding him as close as possible even though they were both sweaty and smelly.

Kurt raised himself a little, needing to see Blaine's face now. He had to see his eyes as he answered him.

"Wait… so does that mean… you don't think I'm - completely disgusting for -" Kurt started to ask, but Blaine dropped his jaw.

"What? Disgusting? God Kurt no - you're… the sexiest human being ever - probably the sexiest creature in the universe. That was so freaking hot," Blaine assured him, looking like he had just figured out a _Rubik's Cube _on his own after struggling with it for ages.

A thrust of air burst out of Kurt's mouth from the relief. Unable to stop it the tears were back to running down his cheeks as he buried his face in Blaine's chest.

"Oh god I have been so scared. I thought you would hate me," he cried into Blaine's neck, sobs coming out in heavy thrusts.

"Baby, take it easy. Look at me - why would I ever hate you? Why have you been scared?" Now Blaine was the one who seemed like he was scared. He had twisted to lie on his side so he could see Kurt's face and Kurt knew that he needed to be present for this.

"I thought you would… I mean… I just - I just thought you would find me so disgusting and twisted and -" he sobbed, wishing that he could hide his face in his hands, but Blaine chuckled at him. Yes, chuckled.

"You are so - silly. Listen, I could never find you disgusting or twisted or anything. I told you I wanted to do anything with you, right? I sort of figured out by accident that you liked it and I have wanted to try it for a really long time -" Blaine explained, sounding relieved.

He let a hand up to brush a lock away from Kurt's forehead before wiping away a tear. Luckily he wasn't crying anymore, simply trying to gather his thoughts.

"You really don't have any idea how common this is. This is like one of the biggest turn-ons for most gay guys. It's always been a fantasy of mine, I just figured you needed time to be comfortable about the whole sex-thing before talking to you about it, so when I… accidentally found out that you liked it - I guessed that you were ready," Blaine shrugged, doing his best to convince Kurt that this was the honest-to-god-truth.

"I'm sorry that I didn't talk to you about it first. I should have. It's just - so hard getting you to talk about anything sex-related. I don't want you to be uncomfortable but… if I want a chance to make you feel good you need to talk to me about what you like and what you don't like, and the other way around. I'm sorry, baby."

Blaine sighed. He watched Kurt as he took the words in and tasted them. He knew that it was true, of course he knew that - but darn, was he ever so awkward about those things.

"Don't be. I'm just such a… coward. I wanna talk to you, I'm just so -" Kurt apologized, wishing he could ever let Blaine know how sorry he was for not being able to do this simple thing. He should be able to do that, he trusted him - more than anyone in the world.

"I know, I know - you're not a coward, you're just shy. I love that about you. We'll take it slow in the talking-department, alright?" Blaine laughed and kissed his nose with a grin.

Kurt felt like the entire cape of Antarctica melted off his heart. So Blaine didn't hate him, he didn't find him repulsive, and he wasn't going to leave him.

They let their arms slide around each other. Blaine kissed his temple and hummed into his ear with a hand caressing up and down his back before he fell to his back, dragging Kurt to lie in his arms.

"So - can I ask you why you have kept all those sounds locked away until now? All those… the way you moaned my name… that was just so damn hot," Blaine said softly, his face hidden in Kurt's hair.

"I'm sorry. I was so loud," Kurt cringed and squeezed around Blaine's waist.

"Sorry? No, no, no. Please don't ever stop sounding like that. It was perfect. I was so hard," Blaine assured him and squeezed back.

"It… I really liked it, though," Kurt forced himself to say, mumbling the words. He felt his face flame from saying it out loud, but he wanted to let Blaine know how good he thought he was.

"I could sort of hear that_. Feel _that. But I'm glad you liked it - so did I. A lot," Blaine sighed and Kurt could hear that he was tired and he didn't blame him. He felt like cooked spaghetti himself.

"Thank you. For loving me.


End file.
